Red Threads and Ladybugs

"Thousands of miles cannot stop a predestined relationship.” - unknown

A friend of mine who adopted her daughter from China at the time we were adopting for Savannah just shared this quote with me. Julie said that it was in part of a recent letter they'd received from her son's foster mom in China.

I was immediately reminded of the "red thread," a tradition that was very near and dear to my heart during both adoptions. Though it really began as legend about true love, the Chinese adoption community over the years began including the notion into the relationship between adoptive parents and adoptees.

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break."
-an ancient Chinese belief

It's a common belief that ladybugs are lucky and as they are red, ladybugs have become another powerful notion held by adoptive parents of Chinese children. I cannot even begin to tell you the number of times I talked to ladybugs and asked them to deliver messages to my children in China while we were waiting for them. Yes I realize that a ladybug in Washington state is not at all likely to fly to China, but I believe in leaving room for possibility because Heaven knows, I do not have all the answers. Savannah understands the idea of the red thread and in an earlier post here I mentioned her telling me that it connects her heart to mine.

Over the course of thousands of miles, through the losses in their lives, and no matter where we all came from... Scott, Savannah, Baden and myself have found our way to each other and have become a family.

This perspective also reflects the magical side of adoption that some say helps adoptive parents ease the weight of the burden that in reality our children's lives began in tragedy when they were abandoned by their birth-parents (which is the case for the majority of the children adopted from China.) I wish I knew the circumstances that my children were born into just so that I could help give them some answers and develop an understanding. I wish that whatever the circumstances were that they had been able to remain with their birth families, I wouldn't wish abandonment on anyone, especially the people that I love. To have suffered such profound loss and have a sense of it that nags at the back of your mind, yet knowing that you don't remember anything about it to begin to work through... agony. I love my children and one of the responsibilities that I have as their parent is to help them be emotionally healthy, to understand what we do know, accept that their are things we may never know and to help them find answers that can be found.