The Power of Music

You know that feeling you get when you hear a song and are transported back to a place in time when that song was significant? Maybe it was from a crazy moment with friends when you were a kid. Perhaps it's the song that reminds you of someone that was once close to you or one that was an anthem to the soundtrack of your life.

During both of our adoptions a few songs took on special meaning to me and reminded me of my children that I didn't yet know.

While we were waiting for Savannah's referral I used to watch endless adoption videos on YouTube. Scott would walk into the den and find me with tears streaming down my face as I watched yet another family receive their child. I tell you Hallmark is missing the boat with adoption moments like that, and actually Kleenex has an untapped market segment as well. I came across one video that used Stevie Wonder's "Isn't She Lovely" as one of the soundtrack songs. I'd encountered many who used Steven Curtis Chapman songs and other more traditional Chinese songs. There was something about that song though that captured the happiness and joy I'd anticipated (and hoped!) would happen. "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack was like one giant wish for my daughter set to music. All the things I hoped she'd discover and keep her grounded at the same time, accomplish what she wanted and dream big, but don't forget about the seemingly mundane moments that provide so much magic and wonder.

Baden's journey was different... we knew who we were waiting for. In my post about the Long and Winding Road I mentioned the significance of the song performed by Rascal Flatts, "My Wish." For a child born with a cleft lip and palate, the words "Show the world the warmth of your smile" are a powerful inspiration. I think of not just Baden, but all the kids who are born cleft-affected and are written off as less than worthy because they were born with a birth-defect that was beyond their control. So much potential, so much promise... and some cultures believe that isn't good enough.

One Particular Harbour reminds me of both kids actually. "There's this one particular harbor sheltered from the wind, where the children play on the shore each day and all is safe within." Kids, for the most part, lead a life with their priorities in order and live in the moment. They naturally find a way to do what makes them happy, sing when they want to sing, play when they want to play discovering so much about their world in the process. I hope that as my kids grow up they are able to visit their "One Particular Harbour" more often than not. I wish that their journey through life allows them to find happiness in what they do and stay true to who they are.

Year of the Tiger Celebration

Yesterday the Northwest Chinese Cultural Association celebrated the Year of the Tiger with what seemed like our second largest turnout since we began attending in 2006. We started the event off with a thank you to our outgoing board members and a welcome to our incoming board members, with Savannah and Baden happily standing on the stage with me.


For the first two hours we were entertained with music, dance and an opera singer. The highlight for Savannah was watching the Silk Road Dancers. I honestly think she could watch them for hours without complaint. When I asked her what she loves the most about watching them she has told me that it's their costumes and the fans they dance with, in the case of yesterday, their ribbons. A couple years ago I asked her if she was interested in learning to dance like the Silk Road Dancers and she laughed saying "No. I just want to watch them." There is now a group of young dancers who have been inspired to start a dance troupe called the Skylarks and they were incredible. One of the funniest moments came when the woman who sang opera was on stage. Savannah looked at her, leaned in towards me and said "Mom, I really like her dress but her voice hurts my ears!"

Baden performed several songs with other kids from Mei Hua school, softly bouncing in time to the music. He is a funny boy at times. Just when you think he wouldn't be brave enough to take the stage, he's the first one running up there. I loved watching him perform, the expression on his was so serious as he sang. Watching him reminds me of an e-mail I received from the head of the ex-patriot Shekou Women's Group while we were waiting for approval to come get him. She'd e-mailed me that she'd seen Bing Bing in the hall that day when she and the other volunteers were visiting. The class he was with stopped to sing the new song they'd learned to sing and she described his face as beaming with pride, so much joy in his little body. He does love to entertain.


I'd organized a kids craft project which proved to be a big success... lanterns. I'd found this project off of a web-site called Kaboose (http://crafts.kaboose.com/lantern1.html). I'd also picked up some foam sticker letters for the kids to spell their names, or whatever they chose, to decorate them. Hao Yuan, the Chinese university student who had taught Mandarin at the kids school for the first few months of the school year last year, and who had lived with my parents during that time, is back in Bellingham attending Whatcom Community College. Yuan joined us for the celebration and was a huge help with the kids craft project. Savannah and Baden loved spending all this time with Yuan and introducing her to their friends.


Hong Bao, lucky money envelopes, were handed out to all the children at the celebration by one of the older couples in attendance. For the kids, receiving hong bao is like Santa arriving on Christmas morning... a seriously big deal.

The NWCCA has been welcoming to us as adoptive parents and this year it was great to see the ethnic representation include the families who have adopted from Guatemala, Russia and Ethiopia join in. Our group is resembling one that is about celebrating Chinese culture and not just celebrating being Chinese.

For me it's wonderful watching my kids interact with our local Chinese community members. One of the dads I know scooped Baden up and played with him a bit while the two of them chased after his own daughter, who was laughing and giggling away. In two years this little girl will be attending Wade King Elementary as a kindergartner, and my kids can wave at her as she walks past their second grade classrooms to her kindergarten class. David, the owner of the kids' favorite Chinese restaurant, was there and happily greeted the kids. I loved watching Baden look at David and say "I know you!" with a big smile lighting up his face. Several months ago we learned that David and my Grandpa Morrie used to golf together at the Bellingham Golf & Country Club. Yet another connection crossing the generations.

One of the other reasons it is so important to me to have my kids comfortable in their local Chinese community came about while I was working at Nordstrom.com in the late 90's. I was a manager in the call center at the time and had a team of around 28 people who answered the phone for people calling to place catalog orders. Most of my team was made up of college students and recent college grad's. The overall diversity of the call center pretty much reflected what we have in Seattle - a large Asian population (Thai, Chinese, Korean, Filipino, Japanese and Vietnamese) that was about as strong as the Caucasian mix. A large part of my team was Asian and knew about my connection to Asia through my nephew who was adopted from South Korea. They all got along and outside of work many of them were friends as well. There was one girl that I remember in particular. She was often asked to join her co-workers to get together after work, and each time she nicely declined... smiling, but not seeming comfortable at the same time. One day she looked at a picture I had on my desk of my two older nieces and Jeff that was taken in their Christmas outfits. She looked at Jeff, then me and said "Is he adopted?" I smiled and said yes, that my sister and brother-in-law had adopted him from S. Korea. With a thoughtful look on her face she smiled at me and told me that she was adopted from Korea as well. We looked at each other with a new common bond, one that gave me a new perspective as I watched my team members interact. I began to consider that perhaps she felt uncomfortable with her co-workers who came from Asian families because she didn't know how to fit in and felt more comfortable with the Caucasian group because their experiences were more similar to hers.

I thought about my own experience as someone who is the near spitting image of my mother, only 24 years younger. For me I'd go around Bellingham as a teenager and hear "Oh, you must be Margie's daughter. You look just like her." My daughter won't ever hear that about her resemblance to me. When people see her, without me or her Dad around, and before they know anything about her they will know that she is Asian and assume that she comes from an Asian family, with all of the cultural traditions that are part of that. They won't immediately know that she was adopted, that her parents are white, that she loves her Grandma Joyce Olsen's Oslo Kringler as much as she loves a bowl full of noodles and making jiaozi (potsticker dumplings).

For both of my kids I want them to feel comfortable in both worlds. I want them to feel like they belong in the Chinese community and have a sense of the traditions that are part of their birth culture and are able to incorporate those into the Swedish, Norwegian, English, French, Canadian, Ukrainian and basic American traditions that we have brought to their lives.

Today the kids' school kicked off their celebration of Chinese New Year with their weekly Monday morning school assembly. One of their Mandarin teachers, and mother of a classmate of Baden, presented a slide show about Chinese New Year and talked about the traditions behind the celebration, adding some of the things she did growing up in China. The students who take Mandarin after school got up and did the Lion Dance for everyone. My two were excited about it, though Savannah was also nervous. At the last second one of the lion dancers told his mom he was too nervous to do the dance and Baden stepped in to join his friend Shen as the lion. The two of them ran around the group of students who were gathered on stage perform, scaring away all the bad luck in the process. Then they joined all of the kids and did their dance. Last week some of the boys in the class weren't so keen on doing a dance... that is until I pointed out that they were actually doing something from kung fu. I asked them if they were feeling like Po from Kung Fu Panda and they asked me what Po had to do with it. After pointing out that the name Lion Dance only referred to a specific set of kung fu moves they were a bit more intrigued. I wish I had pictures to share. I came to school with an extra camera battery... only the camera was left at home. I can tell you that they were good and very entertaining. I loved watching my two children, my youngest niece and my cousin's little boy dance their hearts out.

In Savannah's class we made the same Chinese lanterns that I'd done with the kids on Sunday at the big celebration. The kids decorated their lanterns today, most putting their names on them, one of them adding Happy New Year around the bottom and one made hers for her brother. I think the kids had a good time and the classroom definitely looks like a celebration is going on. Later in the week we're going to do something similar in Baden's classroom and Baden can't wait to share his lantern knowledge with his classmates.

How About That

It's funny how life works when you leave it all up to fate.

About a month ago a list of nominees went out to the general membership of the Northwest Chinese Cultural Association asking for people to vote for our 2010-2012 board members. I thought I had mentioned that I wasn't interested in a second term on the board, but apparently if I had I didn't speak up loud enough. When I saw my name on the list of nominees, I voted for the people that I thought would do a good job leading the NWCCA and implementing the changes that we tried to set in motion back in 2008. I purposefully left my name off my voting list in part because I didn't think I'd actually be elected again (the last time was basically because no one else was interested in being on the board and I wanted to keep the NWCCA going) and because I was really wanting to focus my time and attention on other aspects of our crazy lives. In the end I finally decided that it was up to fate... what was to be would be.

Much to my shock (and bewilderment) I was actually elected to be on the board again. As our NWCCA out-going president told me "People really like you!" Twelve hours later I am still surprised, but also realizing that apparently my work is not yet done. And this time I am the true minority... the only non-Chinese member of the board. It would appear that I need to expand my vocabulary beyond "cold beer," "bottom" (as in what you sit on), "ni hao," "Zai jian,", family members, the names of a couple random fruit (which I learned while watching Sagwa with Savannah), and a few others that I can't recall right now.

For now I will leave you with this as we head into the last week of the Year of the Ox...

Gong Xi Fa Cai! Xin Nian Kuai Le! Happy New Year.

Wonder and Wondering

I first read this poem when my sister was waiting for her oldest son's referral and from the perspective of an aunt it really touched me... not being directly biologically related, but still one to help encourage their dreams and ambitions, a person to turn to for support when they're troubled. As an adoptive parent it serves more like a promise or commitment.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave the seed of talent, the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears, the age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Both my darling, both.
They're just different kinds of love.

- Author Unknown


This morning I was once again reminded of this poem as I looked at my daughter's art work that she did at school last week when her class was visited by a local artist who taught them about French Impressionism. Her talent blows me away. Yes that sounds biased... after all I'm her mom right? I keep telling her that there is a reason why mom likes to take pictures... the vision in my head rarely translates accurately onto paper. If you were to ask Scott about his art ability he would still be laughing. Savannah's artistic talent is all her, it is one of those seeds of talent passed to her from her birth-mother or birth-father, or someone from another generation back in China.

I look at Baden and his mechanical ability and think back to our first night with him back in China. Here was a boy who was nearly 4 years of age and had lived in an orphanage setting for nearly all of his life. Yes, he'd seen tv (I have pictures of a group of the kids and Baden dancing to one of the many dancing tv shows), but surely he'd never operated anything electrical or mechanical like a remote or dials. I already knew that they really didn't have toys to play with and that they toys he had been exposed to were wooden puzzles and other "quiet" toys that the Shekou Women's Group brought with them each week. In spite of all that, in the span of a few hours he figured out how to turn on and off the lights and television, and manipulate the volume controls. Scott and I looked at each other and remarked that we seemed to have a budding engineer on our hands. He has so much patience for manipulating small things... he loves puzzles, creating things with his Tinker Toys and Legos. Scott thinks he'll enjoy baseballs stats for just this reason and can't wait to introduce that to him.

There are so many things I wish I could tell my kids about their birth-families. With Baden, people have come from all over China to Shenzhen to work in the factories in order to provide for their family back in the rural villages. Where did his birthparents come from? I look at the physical stature differences and I wonder how tall my kids will get and how tall their birthparents are. I do know general tendencies... people in Northern China are generally taller than those in Southern China, and that people from the mountainous areas (like where Savannah is from) tend to be taller than the people who are at lower elevations. I know that where Savannah is from the people are descendants of some of the first Chinese to migrate to the Coast and speak a very rare dialect called Gan. That part I actually learned about a year ago when the family of another girl adopted from China was desperately trying to find a bone marrow match for their daughter. Through their story I was able to gather some clues and fit those into the puzzle.

As much as I wonder about little clues, I also know that the best clues are the ones being revealed by my children everyday.