Wonder and Wondering

I first read this poem when my sister was waiting for her oldest son's referral and from the perspective of an aunt it really touched me... not being directly biologically related, but still one to help encourage their dreams and ambitions, a person to turn to for support when they're troubled. As an adoptive parent it serves more like a promise or commitment.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave the seed of talent, the other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up, it was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears, the age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Both my darling, both.
They're just different kinds of love.

- Author Unknown


This morning I was once again reminded of this poem as I looked at my daughter's art work that she did at school last week when her class was visited by a local artist who taught them about French Impressionism. Her talent blows me away. Yes that sounds biased... after all I'm her mom right? I keep telling her that there is a reason why mom likes to take pictures... the vision in my head rarely translates accurately onto paper. If you were to ask Scott about his art ability he would still be laughing. Savannah's artistic talent is all her, it is one of those seeds of talent passed to her from her birth-mother or birth-father, or someone from another generation back in China.

I look at Baden and his mechanical ability and think back to our first night with him back in China. Here was a boy who was nearly 4 years of age and had lived in an orphanage setting for nearly all of his life. Yes, he'd seen tv (I have pictures of a group of the kids and Baden dancing to one of the many dancing tv shows), but surely he'd never operated anything electrical or mechanical like a remote or dials. I already knew that they really didn't have toys to play with and that they toys he had been exposed to were wooden puzzles and other "quiet" toys that the Shekou Women's Group brought with them each week. In spite of all that, in the span of a few hours he figured out how to turn on and off the lights and television, and manipulate the volume controls. Scott and I looked at each other and remarked that we seemed to have a budding engineer on our hands. He has so much patience for manipulating small things... he loves puzzles, creating things with his Tinker Toys and Legos. Scott thinks he'll enjoy baseballs stats for just this reason and can't wait to introduce that to him.

There are so many things I wish I could tell my kids about their birth-families. With Baden, people have come from all over China to Shenzhen to work in the factories in order to provide for their family back in the rural villages. Where did his birthparents come from? I look at the physical stature differences and I wonder how tall my kids will get and how tall their birthparents are. I do know general tendencies... people in Northern China are generally taller than those in Southern China, and that people from the mountainous areas (like where Savannah is from) tend to be taller than the people who are at lower elevations. I know that where Savannah is from the people are descendants of some of the first Chinese to migrate to the Coast and speak a very rare dialect called Gan. That part I actually learned about a year ago when the family of another girl adopted from China was desperately trying to find a bone marrow match for their daughter. Through their story I was able to gather some clues and fit those into the puzzle.

As much as I wonder about little clues, I also know that the best clues are the ones being revealed by my children everyday.