What About Me?

One of these days I swear that I’m going to count the number of times that I hear that question posed. On the other hand, when I stop and think of who is posing the question I find myself rethinking that… for so long he didn’t have someone letting him know “what about him” and being there to answer the question… “What about me?”

I have been the parent of virtual twins for two years, 6 months and one day. Until I just wrote that I hadn’t realized that we were already at that milestone. 2 ½ years already - wow!

I look at how my kids have grown together and how their relationship has evolved from leader/follower to more equal playmates/friends. I’m glad that in the beginning they were in the same pre-school classes for the first two years Baden was home. In retrospect I think having each other was good for both of them, not as much one sided with the advantage going to Baden as I first thought. This morning I asked the kids what they liked about being the same pre-school class and both said “playing together.” Baden added “I liked having mei-mei there.” It was really during their 4 year-old pre-school class that they started to become more competitive as Baden began to develop his confidence. If someone complimented Savannah on her artwork, Baden would balk “What about me?!” and pout.

In the beginning I wanted them to have their own stories, at least outside of school. Thankfully, for Scott, Savannah doing ballet didn’t lead to a “What about me?” moment for Baden. He loved the time we had together while she was in class, as much as he loved the glimpses of peeking at his sister through the curtain of the studio at the end of class when we waited to pick her up. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I enrolled him in gymnastics to help with his co-ordination and continue the physical development that started to take place swimming in the White Swan swimming pool. He was still learning how to do simple things like hop on one foot and run, so this proved very beneficial for him. I would tell him what a great job he’d done, as did the other mom’s I knew who had kids from pre-school in the class. He was so proud of himself! His teacher, the owner of Gym Star, would cheer him on “Way to go Bing Bing!” After nearly four years of not really being cheered and celebrated you could actually watch his heart soar with the praise. After watching from the sidelines Savannah wanted to give gymnastics a shot, which actually delighted Baden. Two sessions later Savannah was soon bored with the activity while Baden was still having a blast.

In the fall of 2008 Savannah wanted to hang up her ballet shoes and try something new – figure skating. At age 4 she took to the ice in a super beginner class called Snow Plow Sam. She loved it! Baden was happy to stand there with me and watch his sister… for a bit and as October became November he was no longer content with just doing gymnastics. He wanted something different, a new challenge. And so he began ice skating lessons too. In the beginning he declared he wanted to play hockey just like his Dad. There was something about sending my 33 lb bundle of energy out to play hockey that just didn’t sit right with me, so he began the Snow Plow series in January 2009. I loved watching him march across the ice, with each step growing more confident in his ability and then glancing over at his sister a few classes over and tackling his class with the determination he needed to catch up to her. All of this led to many a “What about me?” moments. If Savannah was off the ice first I’d tell her that she did a great job and as Baden came off the ice he would bitterly exclaim “What about me?!” If I congratulated him first I would hear “I did a great job too!” from Savannah. Sometimes a mom just can’t win.

They are both continuing to ice skate this school year and for once Baden took the lead on something, much to his younger sister’s chagrin. Last October the Bellingham Figure Skating Club began to organize their Winter Show, this year themed “Olympic Dreams” in large part because of the upcoming Winter Games in nearby Vancouver BC. When I approached the kids about doing the show they were both excited, and then fear got the better of Savannah – she was afraid people were going to laugh at her. It didn’t matter who talked to her… the skating director, her favorite instructor or other friends. She wasn’t budging. Baden on the other hand was ecstatic at the thought of performing in a show. Finally he would have his shot at a trophy, just like the ones Savannah had received after her ballet recitals! He got out there and practiced after his lesson coming off the ice each time asking if this was the day he would get his trophy.

Finally the big weekend was upon us and Baden could barely contain himself. His costume was ready and his trophy was so close he could nearly taste it. The night before the first performance was the dress rehearsal, and what I feared would happen did – Savannah, Baden and I walked into the dressing room and as Savannah glanced around the room at all the kids she became quiet. Suddenly she looked up at me with tears welling in her eyes, her lower lip quivering and in the smallest voice asked “Is it too late?” There wasn’t much I could do to ease her broken heart. I told her that it was, but if she really wanted to skate in a show there would be another chance in the spring. She nodded her head and continued to cry, head buried on the cold metal bleachers. Meanwhile I had a child to cheer on.

This year they’re thankfully in separate kindergarten classes and each of them was placed with the teacher that they were absolutely enamored with during the Kindergarten open house last May. I love that they are developing their own set of friends and only occasionally do I see them sitting near each other at lunch. I grew up with two girls that were referred to as “The Twins.” It certainly didn’t help that they were identical either. The other day at school the kids participated in the Olympic Games that were part of Olympic Days at Wade King Elementary. As I looked around the gym I thought about how lucky I am being able to watch both of my kids participate with their friends.

So, what are some other “What about me?/Me too!” moments?
The one thing that both kids have in common at school is their Sam Book Early Readers. Baden started reading first, which irritated Savannah. When Savannah’s teacher said she could start reading the books Savannah was thrilled, which bothered Baden. If one class had a chance to read with their teacher or parent volunteer and the other didn’t the tug-of-war would ensue. Back and forth went the “I got a new book and you didn’t!” It seemed as though I was constantly refereeing and reminding them that it wasn’t a competition… it was about learning at their own pace. Like that kind of logic mattered to them.

Last night was another good example. I went to bed and Baden ended up crawling into bed with me. About an hour later Savannah woke up and wanted to crawl into bed with me too. Much to her dismay Baden had me on the edge, with him in the middle leaving only Scott’s side of the bed free. The waterworks began with a vengeance. “But I wanted to cuddle with you Mommy.” I told her that she could curl up next to Baden, reminding her that most nights she is the one that ends up in bed with us and its Baden who stays in his own bed. The least she could do was to let Baden have a turn cuddled up to me. Nope. Not good enough. Enter Baden’s cat Boy who chose that moment to come seek some love and attention. Baden loves his cat, but still takes issue with them being close when it’s bed time. Baden decided at that moment that he’d rather be in his own bed and off he went. Problem solved? Nope. Savannah, thinking she’d won the battle climbed on in next to me. Baden reappeared a few hours later and crawled in next to Savannah after expressing his unhappiness that his spot had been taken, “What about me?” Kid – you’re killing me! I’m already prone to “mommy guilt,” and moments like that just tug at me heart.

Though parenting two children who are into most everything at about the same time, with slight varying interests at the moment, can be exasperating at times with the “Me too!” and “What about me?,” I really can’t imagine it any other way.

Paradigm Shifts and Lessons Learned

I've been thinking about this one for a few days - thinking about the experiences and choices made that have led me to where I am today, and one event in particular that taught me what I thought was the lesson may have only been the beginning of the lesson.

Back in the summer of 1996 I went back to Washington DC to visit friends. I lived in DC in 1990-91, so being back there was a bit like going home. I knew my way around via Metro (get me above ground and I was lost!), I had my favorite places I liked to visit (National Gallery of Art, Old Town Alexandria, Pentagon City (mall) and Union Station to name a few.) On one of the days I was there I decided to go see Multiplicity, which was playing at the Union Station movie theatre. I arrived with plenty of time to spare, and with it being in the middle of a work day the theatre wasn't at all filled up. As I was sitting there waiting for the movie to begin I heard some ladies behind me having a conversation about who was going to sit where and it went something like this:

Girl A: I'm not gonna sit by her
Girl B: I'm not sittin' be her either. You sit by her.
Girl C: No way. I'm not sittin' by her
Girl A: I am NOT gonna sit by that white girl.

The debate continued on a bit longer and suddenly it occurred to me - I was the white girl. I was the one that no one wanted to sit by. I remember being stunned and feeling my heart sink, wanting to stand up and say "For crying out loud - you talk of equality but you don't act like you actually want everyone treated equally." I didn't. I sat there feeling small and wondering about all the progress that society was trying to make.

The ladies finally decided who was going to sit by me... one of several children who were with them drew the short stick you could say. I looked at these kids and wondered just what in the hell their mom's were trying to teach them. I smiled and tried to pretend that I hadn't heard their conversation, but even that child didn't last long, about 5 minutes later he moved to sit on one of their laps.

I will never forget how shocked I felt. Little did I know that the perspective I had gained through this interaction was only part of the lesson.

Later that year I was in Memphis to attend my friend Shellie's wedding. While we were there a group of us went to check out the National Civil Rights Museum, which includes the hotel where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. Walking through the museum was truly an experience... especially for someone who grew up in the Pacific Northwest, far away from the racial tensions and the civil rights movement. We walked up to the bus where Rosa Parks had sat, where she stood her ground and refused to move to the back of the bus simply because of the color of her skin. I haven't seen many museum exhibits that captured the energy of the situation quite like that one did. I thought of what happened in the movie theatre just months before and weighed that against everything these people had done, had achieved and sacrificed - how their determination seemed to mean nothing to the ladies who had decided that they weren't going to sit by the white girl. How was what they demonstrated any different from what had happened decades earlier when segregation was the way of the world?

Eight years later I found myself sitting in the middle of our WACAP Weekend, the adoption workshop that WACAP has pre-adoptive families attend. The social worker who was conducting the seminar asked the group of 20 or so hopeful parents if any of us had experienced what it's like to be a minority. We all glanced around the room at the collective group of "white bread" individuals, when I decided to share my experience, something I really hadn't done before outside of family and close friends. To look at me, this blonde-haired blue-eyed Caucasian, the other attendees probably wondered what in the heck I was going to say. Looking back perhaps I was placed at that movie, in that theatre, on that day, and at that time for a reason. Perhaps I needed to experience that myself so that when my children, niece or nephews find themselves in a situation where someone is judging them based on the color of their skin or the shape of their eyes and not on the content of their character, I can at least look them in the eye and agree with them that it hurts and that it doesn't make sense. I can share my experience so that they know they are not alone and that there is a place where we are all the minority.

I remember my sister telling me before we started our journey to Savannah that I may find myself in a position where people who had been my friend no longer would be simply because of the decision I'd made to build a trans-racial family, and to be prepared to let those friendships go. For the most part everyone I knew before we adopted Savannah was very supportive. The one exception was a friend I'd met about 10 years earlier, and for a short time I worked in her family's business here in town. During the time we were waiting for Savannah, these people who claimed to be Christians began acting like anything but. They questioned, in a very disapproving tone, why we were adopting from China and not adopting domestically. I responded with "Because my daughter is in China." Once again I was faced with a living example of hypocrisy - someone claiming to be a Christian and accepting, yet obviously weren't. A few months later I stopped working there and really haven't crossed paths with them since. I quickly learned a valuable lesson... if someone cannot accept my child and treat her or him with the respect and dignity they deserve, then there really is no point in pursuing a friendship. Yes, there is a point when you find out who your real friends, and in some cases, family, are.

By the same token, I have been given the chance to meet people I wouldn't have otherwise met, learn things I wouldn't have otherwise learned and found support from people I would never have thought possible.

Two years ago our local Chinese community found themselves at a cross-roads. We have a wonderful cultural group, the Northwest Chinese Cultural Association (NWCCA), that works in conjuction with the Mei Hua Chinese school to put on various events and concerts, that are open to the public, as a way of exposing the community to Chinese culture. The then president approached me during an event at the Children's Museum and explained the dilemma that the board was facing... people with ties to modern Mainland China were apparently taking issue with people whose families had escaped China during the beginning of the Cultural Revolution and found their way to other parts of Asia. This woman, who I'd become acquainted with a few years earlier had come up with a possible solution that could neutralize the issue - getting adoptive parents of Chinese children involved. I looked at Scott, then at the kids, who were having a grand time with their Year of the Rat crafts. I was being faced with the choice of throwing my hat in the ring and saying that I would get involved, or risking losing this great connection for my children. I wondered about how I was going to be accepted. Would people look at me and wonder how in the world this woman whose only connection to China are the two trips she made their to adopt her two children could possibly offer any "authority" in regards to Chinese culture? Ultimately I realized that it was far more important to me to be able to look my children in the eye and tell them that I did everything I could to maintain this connection to their birth culture. Two years ago we had our first meeting of our board, and thankfully I'd managed to get another adoptive mom to say she'd do it too. Only a handful of us showed up for our first meeting - enough to fill the basic officer positions. I certainly didn't feel qualified to act as president, and happily let that job go to a woman who is a professor at Western WA University. I didn't feel that it was appropriate for me to be treasurer as that is a position that requires a lot of trust and I was afraid people would not trust me simply because I wasn't Chinese. The secretary role was handed out as was the Events chair, again a role I didn't feel qualified to assume, afterall I was still learning about Chinese cultural events - how on earth could I create an event around something that I didn't know about? So, that left me with the VP role. Now, that I felt comfortable taking on. I mean, look at our Vice-Presidents... sure they're on the ticket, but aside from being a tie-breaker in the US Senate, what do they really do aside from stand behind the President? Famous last words.

It turns out that when the President needs to take a leave of absence for medical reasons, the VP steps in to cover for them, which is how last Spring I found myself as the Acting-President of the NWCCA. Before our president traveled to Beijing for medical treatments we met and she told me that she'd had a few members of the local Chinese community question why I was the one covering for her while she was gone. In support of me she looked at them and said 'Because she got involved to keep the Association going. What have you done?" It meant a lot to me to have her support, but the questioning of my involvment started chipping away at my confidence. I continued on with organizing our annual summer picnic and trying to get input from other board members, without success. One afternoon I met with the principal of the Mei Hua school to seek her advice on what to do. To my surprise, not only was the principal behind me, so was one of the other parents - the wife of Gen. Shih, a retired Taiwanese General who was also on the board with me. (Just as finding myself standing on Great Wall was something that I'd never quite entertained doing as a kid, meeting a General from Taiwan wasn't on my radar either!)

In a few weeks my official role as Vice-President of the NW Chinese Cultural Association will be over. Though my experience has had a couple bumps, the positives far outweigh the negatives. I have gotten to know people I may have never met, enabled my children to get to know other Chinese people in town (Savannah still can't believe that I know several of the Silk Road Dancers - the local Chinese dance group). More importantly I can tell my children that I put myself out there by taking on something that I knew nothing about and people I didn't know, because having this connection to their birth culture and local Chinese community is important to me.

"Come on! Come on!"

My little girl loves to sing. Not just a simple tune, but a song that she belts out from the depths of her being. A song that reminds me of that saying "Sing like no one is listening." A couple years ago Savannah started singing a song that I call "Come On! Come On!" It began with the verse of "Come on! Come on! Sing with me! Come on sing with me!" and she'd sing it over and over regardless of what she was doing - playing with her My Little Pony horses or picking up her room. Since then she has changed some of the words, but the tune and the "Come on!" remain. Tonight she added a new verse - "Come on! Come on! It's a rainy day and time to play! Come on! Play with me!" Listening to her happily sing makes me smile, but with this verse it also made me wonder if she is channeling her friends and family who live in rain soaked, mud ridden, not at all sunny Southern California.

I've told Savannah that though I love music, I cannot sing. At all. Neither can virtually everyone biologically related to me. The family joke was that we just needed to obtain a professional recording of "Happy Birthday" to play at family gatherings. For these reasons I have told Savannah all along that her voice and ability to sing is not something that she picked up from me. Her voice is a gift that her birth-parents gave her, whether they could sing or perhaps another ancestor. I truly hope she doesn't get to the point where she feels self-conscious singing.

Savannah,
Go on... sing like no one is listening.
Love,
Mom

Baden's 1st Birthday

Life is filled with so many moments that I just want burned onto my brain so that I never forget them.

One such moment happened at our local Children's Museum at a Halloween party for pre-schoolers that we attended. It was October 30, 2007, the day that my son turned 4 years old. At the time I was on the Advisory Committee for the Children's Museum and I'd mentioned to a couple staff members and volunteers that it was Baden's birthday. At one point, between the story time and flashlight dancing, they'd gathered all of the children together, most who were complete strangers, and sang Happy Birthday to Baden. At first he was confused and then the realization that this song was for him washed over his face, leaving him teary eyed and smiling with pride from ear to ear, and I honestly thought he was going to explode with joy. This was the first time he had celebrated his birthday and truly didn't know what to make of the situation, but one thing was clear - he loved it. The other adults were as moved as he was. In a world full of birthdays taken for granted, here was a little boy who understood that this was an occasion to celebrate.

The following day his birthday was celebrated at pre-school during the Halloween party and his face was beaming with joy just as it had the day before. In fact, I'm not sure he even came down from the clouds he was floating on the previous day. We went trick-or-treating that afternoon and evening, continuing his birthday celebration into the weekend.

On Sunday evening we had a large family birthday celebration for him at my parents' house and again the pure joy of being sung a song that seems so standard fare to most kids, touched his soul so deeply.

To this day Baden responds in much the same manner, from a place that only someone who had gone several years without being celebrated could understand.

Baden's 5th birthday celebration at pre-school in October 2008

We celebrated with his Grandparents on Scott's side of the family as well as one set of his God-parents who were visiting from Los Angeles that weekend. He actually asked us to sing Happy Birthday to him when we sat down to dinner.

October 30, 2009: Baden turned 6 and celebrated with a "Halloween costume dress-up party" at my parents house, location per his request.That night Baden got to choose where he wanted to go for dinner and he chose his favorite Chinese restaurant in town, Hong Kong Garden. He loves it because the owners are very nice and allow the kids to feed the koi in their pond when they visit. We just so happened to run into a friend of mine that I've known since we were 3, who also has October 30th for her birthday.

Vancouver BC

I thought I'd share some of the pictures that I took while we were in Vancouver as a way of documenting the city one month before the world comes to town.

We stayed in a hotel on the Stanley Park end of Robson street and all around us were signs of that the Winter Olympic Games were arriving - banners of Canadian athletes are hanging on all sides of The Bay (Hudson Bay Company), another bulding is draped on two sides with the Canadian flag, as well as banners on street poles. Advertising from Olympic sponsors are up in all the Skytrain stations and streets are already turning "pedestrian only." All of the buildings are complete, with only new plantings being the details in the works. The Olympic Village is incredible and I love the banner draping it right now touting the opportunity to own the ultimate 2010 souvenier. When the Games are over the building will become high end condominiums. To see the buildings now it is amazing to think that they stand in what was empty lots and abandoned buildings. The one surprise in our adventure is the off the beaten path location of the official countdown clock - across a side street from the Hotel Vancouver. What a treat it was to stumble upon it one of the nights were there. The Richmond Olympic Oval is being likened to these games as to what the Bird's Nest was to the Beijing games.

Check it out.

Yin and Yang

陰... In traditional Chinese the character for Yin Yang looks so complex and intricate and when I stop to think about how elements in nature, and in people, work together I believe the Chinese were on to something. Though a person, or tree, or situation may seem simple on the surface, when you stop to take a closer look you begin to see the give and take that exists in each of them. That being said, I like the simplicity of Mulan's explanation to a girl in her village at the start of Disney's Mulan II :


Mulan: "I know it does sound a little funny, huh? But the world is full of opposites,and so are you. To be a good warrior, you must bring it all into balance. Let's see if this helps. Earth, sky. Day, night. Sound and silence. Dark and light. One alone is not enough you need both together. Winter, summer, moon and sun - Lesson number one.


The girl: "Wow!"


Mulan: "Like a rock you must be hard, like an oak you must stand firm. Cut quick like my blade, think fast- unafraid."


The girl: "Like a rock I must be hard. Like an oak I must stand firm. Cut quick like my blade.
Think fast - unafraid. Okay, Mulan, I'm ready. "


Mulan: "But you're still out of balance. You're only halfway there. Like a cloud you are soft, like bamboo you bend in the wind. Creeping slow you're at peace because you know it's okay to be afraid"


In my family the picture of yin yang is also known as Baden and Savannah... and not just because one is a boy and the other a girl, or because she is taller and more athletic, while Baden is smaller and more mechanically inclined. One of the most asked questions that I get is "How do they get along?" While on the surface the question may be interpreted as "How do your two children, who are roughly the same age, get along?" The deeper question that most people are asking without coming right out and actually saying it is "How do these two children, who are not biologically related, who were adopted several years apart, are only a few months apart in age and had not met until the day became brother and sister get along?" There are various replies that I'd like to give such as "Well, how do you get along with your brother or sister?" Thankfully I understand the intention most people have behind their question and generally respond "Really well, though they do have their moments."


Baden's referral described him as liking to be treated like the younger brother, which we thought would mesh quite well with our girl whose behavior was more of an older sister. Though he is technically older their relationship today is similar to how it was in the beginning. He consults her more often than she consults him, you could say that she counsels him instead. They are both always up for an adventure, though their approaches are different. Baden prefers to stay with the pack and hold our hands, while Savannah happily skips a few paces ahead, occasionally checking to make sure that we are still there.


When it comes to playing, their interaction can be quite entertaining. They both love dinosaurs and together they've found a way to play with the same thing in a way that makes them both happy. The kids have defined roles for their dino's "Mom" and "Scott" (why not Dad I don't know, but dad is called "Scott.") Just as many girl's tend to do, Savannah can play "house" while Baden can roar to his hearts content. One of them will come up with some adventure or problem to solve in their dinosaur world and together they figure it out.


Last weekend we made the one hour drive from Bellingham to Vancouver BC to experience the city before the Winter Olympics arrive next month. Perhaps it was being in a completely different environment that had me pausing to watch the two of them interact, or maybe it was our single adventure that kept me more in the moment and able to notice it. Regardless it was fun to watch them and the concept of yin and yang kept popping into my head.


Their personalities really showed themselves when we stopped at a park near Telus Science World. Part of the play structure was a wooden suspension bridge made from logs sawed in half with the round side up. Adventurous Savannah tackled the bridge running, while the more cautious Baden gingerly made his way across. Savannah made a game of dodging the camera, while Baden hammed it up. Savannah desperately wanted to try her luck at a different type of monkey bar, but was too afraid that she couldn't do it. Meanwhile from the sidelines Baden was cheering her on "Come on mei mei you can do it! Go mei mei!"

The other classic example of them came with the vertical climbing wall that had wet, slick wooden toe holds that were about 2" deep and a rope to hold on to. Determined to scale this wall Savannah grabbed hold of the rope and made it to the second step only to hop down and declare that she couldn't do it. Again her cheerleader was by her side rooting her on. She tried it again, stopping in the same place with the same look of resignation on her place. Once again her cheerleader leaped into action, only this time it was joined with "See mei mei, this is how you do it" and without holding the rope he scaled the wall, leaving Savannah hanging out on the second step. Though the victory was his, he didn't rub it in her face. Instead he finally hopped across the wooden bridge to get down and try his luck on the climbing wall again, happily singing "I did it! I did it!" over and over. With the same determination she started with Savannah continued to persevere, not letting go of her original tactic - using the rope.

The funny part is how their actions also reflect their Chinese Zodiac signs. Baden is a sheep - calmer, more thoughtful, stubborn. Savannah is a monkey - playful, energetic, always up for a good time, and loves to hang out (from tree limbs, the rope in this case, the monkey bars at school and in parks).

After writing all of this down I'm beginning to rethink my stock response to the question of how do they get along. I think the real answer is "How they were meant to."

A Whole New World

As I've been looking back at pictures taken during the Fall of 2007 this song that my mom used to sing came to mind "Getting to know you, getting to learn all about you..." When we brought Savannah home there was almost a honeymoon aspect and quite fitting that the Chinese paperwork describe it as a "Harmonious period." With Baden, bless his heart, it was more like boot camp. During the time we were awake things were great, the largest struggles came with nap time and going to bed for the night. He would kick, hit and scream at those times. For the first several months we were home I would need to lie down with him and hold him to me as he worked through this anguish, softly talking to him and trying to keep him from endangering himself. He continued to test me by shelling out his worst behavior and anger to see at what point I'd give up and leave. This guy had met his match in that department as I wasn't going anywhere. Gradually things progressed and got better. He didn't act out at other times, though I know there were moments when the language barrier was a source of frustration for him. I'm so glad that I was able to be home with him those first few months, especially in the evenings. Since bringing Savannah home I worked only a few evenings a week at Gymboree, and I would have been a mess at work if I didn't have that FMLA time off.

Thankfully we already knew that it would take us all about two weeks to recover from the jet lag, one day for every 1 hour of time difference was spot on. In the beginning we stayed fairly close to home in order to give Baden a chance to develop a sense of security in his own house. Our first major outing with him was to the WSU Cougar game played in Seattle, just before pre-school started. This was actually both kids' first college football experience and they loved it. Baden was understandably more cautious about the crowd noise and then trying to figure out why the people were running around on the grass. As the game went on Baden's enthusiasm grew, the box of Red Vines and the stuffed Cougar I bought them at half-time didn't hurt either.

The funniest moment happened when the song Baden recognized from Madagascar came on... move it move... he likes to move it move it..." The song that got him to jump off the bed and shake his groove thing worked the same magic at Qwest Field. Baden was starting to come out of his shell more and more each day, revealing an entertaining boy who could charm your socks off before you knew what hit you.

Over Labor Day Weekend Baden had his first outing on Grandma Margie and Papa Joe's boat when we all went out to watch the PITCH sailing regatta on Bellingham Bay... or should I say attempted to. The normally choppy Bellingham Bay was nothing but glass, not a puff of wind to be felt. While it made for a pleasant day, it didn't make for smooth sailing and for the first time that I can remember the last day of racing was cancelled. At least I was able to capture a moment of this adventure for Baden.

The previous Spring I'd enrolled Baden in the same pre-school class as Savannah not knowing if he'd be ready to start right at the beginning. There are a few lines of thinking on when to start older adopted kids in school - some say right away while others encourage kids to start later, perhaps even held back a year. I chose the option of following Baden's lead. Savannah had already attended a Toddler pre-school class at Little Epistle the previous year and the teacher's all knew that we were traveling to get Baden. I took both kids to the pre-school open house to help Savannah remember where she'd gone to school and introduce the environment and teachers to Baden. In his case I think there was a sense of familiarity that came with being at a place that was filled with other kids his age - he was already used to the chaos of busy pre-schoolers and didn't seem at all overwhelmed. Savannah and his cousin Caleb helped to show him around and introduce him to the pre-school playground as well.

The following week was the first day of pre-school, and though Baden had acted comfortable at the open house, I was anticipating that when it came down to it he would change his mind and not want to stay. Putting the ball in his court I let him decide what he wanted to do and decide he did... "Bye bye Mama!" with a big smile on his face. He all but pushed me out the door before I even had a chance to take pictures of the two of them. Here he was, home just a month and beginning to exercise some control.


As any school years goes, we started to settle into a routine with pre-school 3 mornings a week, and ballet for Savannah on Thursday afternoons, as well as monthly gatherings with our local Chinese adoption playgroup. The first playgroup gathering for Baden was something new for him, a challenge that he liked and didn't like at the same time. He was still needing to work on his co-ordination, stamina and strength and the play equipment at the park proved to be just what he needed. In the beginning he really relied on Savannah to lead the way, and the moments when she was doing her own thing were hard on him.
Ultimately she would find her way back to him and invite him to come play with her friends, and thankfully that was a choice she most often made herself before I needed to remind her to include him.

On the days that Savannah had ballet up in Blaine, a 30 minute drive North of Bellingham, Baden and I developed our own little routine for our "dates." We'd go to the coffee house next door to the ballet studio where he'd pick out a cookie to have with his milk, and I'd have my coffee. About 20 minutes later, if the weather was nice, we'd leave to walk down to this area overlooking the harbour in Blaine and wave at Papa's boat, which was moored there. At the time Baden was learning how to hop on two feet and one foot. We'd play games where he needed to identify body parts in English. People I'd met who had adopted pre-school aged kids had said to anticipate three months before he was able to really express himself in English, and the comprehension side would happen earlier than that. Sure enough.. 6 weeks home and he was pointing to his eyes, hair, fingers, feet, knees, chin and nose. The silliest moment when I asked him to point to his buns. He turned his back to me, bent his knees and began shaking his booty while pointing to it. Yep... that's my boy.

It was also at this time that I enrolled Baden in a pre-school gymnastics class, a move that made a huge impact on his physical development. It also gave him a chance to start his own thing that his sister wasn't doing. It didn't take long before his legs were getting stronger and all of his limbs were working together. I loved watching my little boy begin to really thrive in his new life.