I've started this blog... now what?

I guess the first place to start is with how I arrived to where I am today. You know that saying about life being a journey and not a destination? That phrase pretty much sums it up. My life has been one adventurous journey - not death defying by any means, but the kind that reminds you to keep looking for all of life's possibilities.

First, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tassie (Orem) Kowal. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and we have two incredible children. Yes, that does sound biased and I'm allowed to rave about how amazing they are because I am not the mother who gave them life. I am the mother teaching them to live it. Both of our children were born in and adopted from China. In June 2005 we adopted our daughter from Jiangxi province when she was 15 months old. Two years later Scott, Savannah and I flew back to China to adopt our son from Guangdong province, who is 4 1/2 months older than our daughter. With how their birthday's fall Baden and Savannah are considered "virtual" twins as they will always be in the same grade in school. Each adoption journey was incredibly different, and in the end the result was the same - we received the child we were meant to have and to everyone who meets our kids it is clear that there is no other sibling in the world meant for each of these two.

We adopted Savannah at the height of International Adoptions from China. According to Adoptive Families magazine in 2005 there were 7,906 adoptions from China and we were part of that half-way mark that year. We knew before we even traveled to adopt Savannah that we wanted two children and that as soon possible we would submit our application for our second child from China.

That first trip to China is still so surreal four years later. I loved the chance to tour around Beijing, and to find myself standing in the middle of Tiananemen Square and thinking back to what I'd seen of the student protests years before was something we all wanted to talk about but were afraid that if we did, we'd be tossed out of the country without our children (yes, we did remember to pack our paranoia - lol!). I loved the serenity of the Summer Palace. Standing on the Great Wall was something that I just couldn't get my mind around. As a child I could imagine going to see the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben or London Bridge. The Great Wall of China was never even on the radar of possibility for me, but there I was looking at this cross-section of the world. Families from Australia, Canada and Spain were walking the Wall steps with their newly adopted children mixed in with all the people from around China who were there for the same reason - to experience this wonder of the world. The activity of the Temple of Heaven was also fun and exciting. Scott and I both tried tai chi ball, which is basically like a squash racket with a rubber membrane and the idea to move the racket with a ball on it with the traditional tai chi movements. Humbling? Yes. Though I would make a fool of myself like that again if it meant connecting with people from where my children were born. (Oh wait! I did do that again in 2007 when I tried another past-time - a version of hackey sack, but with a sand-filled badminton birdie. My best advice is to not even attempt this with flip-flops on.)

Finally it was June 15th. The day that we had waited nearly 18 months for had arrived. We flew from Beijing to Nanchang to get our girl. The child I had dreamt of, but was never able to see her face in the dream - only her gorgeous dark hair sticking up. That morning, as we were packing, my back-pack style diaper bag was transformed from traveling back-pack to a full on diaper bag - out went the books and in went the diapers, bottle, toys, blanket and Cheerios. I had learned a lesson from one of my friends who had adopted her daughter a couple months before us when they didn't have time to unpack before being taken to the Civil Affairs office in her daughter's province. I needed to be prepared to hit the ground running and if we were so lucky to attempt a quick unpack at the hotel before heading to the Jiangxi Civil Affairs office, then even better. Scott continued his role as "pack mule" - all the paperwork and other necessary documents in his possession.

Finally we found ourselves walking into the small Civil Affairs office, made even smaller by 26 excited parents, an aunt, a grandma, three older siblings and soon the confused cries of 13 babies ranging in age from nearly 2 years old to 14 months. As we waited for the children to arrive the sister of one of our travelmates kept popping into the hallway to look for them. Our news reports came back like this "Oh! I see them!", "Several of them are walking!", "OH! I think I see her!!" Sitting there waiting for your dream to come true and knowing that someone else is on the verge of seeing it unfold in moments only made the anticipation and nerves in the room more palpable. One by one the girls' names were called out and finally I heard our daughter's name. I remember walking fast, though Scott recalls it more like a Heisman-worthy rush to our guide. I stood there with tears already in my eyes and looked towards the doorway. In the midst of all these adult legs belonging to Civil Affairs staff and orphanage nannies, stood a little body wearing lime green cotton knit pants and wearing lime green jelly shoes that reminded me of high-school in the mid-80's. There she was! My daughter took her first steps toward her new life before being picked up by an ayi (In Mandarin "ayi" means "aunt" and is the term used in the orphanages to refer to the caregivers) who was then handed to the orphanage director. My little girl who grew in my heart was in front of me and her hair was indeed sticking up - in a single little pony-tail at the top of her head. For the first moment I held her there was nothing, only my tears and then her cries of confusion started. Our guide in Beijing taught me the word for baby ("bao bei") and I kept telling her "It's okay xiao bao bei (little baby)." By this time one of the other couples we'd become friends with in Beijing had also received their daughter and I took a cue from Arin, who was happily feeding her daughter Cheerios. Cheerios were a huge hit with Savannah and as long as we kept them coming, all was good. I had noticed one gentleman that was part of the orphanage staff having a particular look of thoughtful concern for Savannah. Not one of suspicion, but one of looking for reassurance. Aside from knowing that he was the driver for the orphanage and the person who delivered all the supplies to the foster families our girls had been living with each week and the director's brother, I don't know of any other connection between him and Savannah. I remember smiling at him back at the hotel lobby, while the dad's were being instructed in how to make the bottles, and hoping he could see on my face that I already loved this little girl and that she would be kept safe and taken care of. Later that week Scott was able to visit the orphanage, actually referred to as a Social Welfare Institute (SWI), and have a picture taken with the driver as something for Savannah to have when she's older.

The photo at left was taken on our first night with her, after we called home to let our families know that we had our girl. She did go through some serious gut-wrenching grieving, crying as if her world had just been taken from her. As hard as it was to watch, I knew that she had to go through it in order to come out the other side of her grief. Not grieving would only add road-blocks later in life. I could comfort her, but it was also my responsibility as her parent to allow her to feel her emotions. I eventually was able to help her calm down by rubbing some Johnson's soothing lotion on her. I started at her feet because that seemed to be a less intimidating spot to start, softly talking to her as I massaged her legs, her hands, her tummy and just as my hand reached the base of her neck near her shoulders she let out the biggest giggle. I had found her tickle spot! From that moment on we had a new level to our bond of mother and daughter.