Gotcha!

On July 29, 2007 we took the Turbo Ferry up the Pearl River Delta to Guangzhou, where we we would receive Baden the following day. As we approached an industrial looking area just beyond Hong Kong, I wondered if this was Shenzhen. Given its location to Hong Kong and the mountains we had passed my guess was that it was some part of Shenzhen. I watched the scene as we cruised along and wondered where my boy was at that moment. Did he know that we were coming? Was he aware that his entire world was about to change? I sent a prayer out to the cosmos that his last night before we met him would be a good one and that things would go smoothly for him the next day. We arrived at the ferry terminal in Guangzhou and the experience of clearing customs into Mainland China couldn't have been more different from our first adoption trip. In retrospect it was as if we were a new traveling zoo exhibit... the two Caucasian adults disembarking from the ferry with a 3 year-old Chinese girl in tow, calling us Mommy and Daddy. When we arrived in Guangzhou with Savannah two years earlier we had the luxury of an incredible guide taking care of the paperwork, telling us what documentation we needed - all in all a very insulated experience. This time my ability to order a cold beer, saying that something was "danger", "thank you," "hello" and "you're welcome" wasn't going to get me far. As we anxiously stood in line to speak with the customs agent we spotted the woman we figured to be our guide. Unfortunately she was required to remain behind a railing and wasn't readily available to translate. Truly so close and yet so far. Finally we'd managed to answer all the questions and explain why we were in China and allowed to continue on. The van ride to Shamian Island was about 1 hour and in that time we were able to see an aspect of China we hadn't really seen before. The houses were all two story and though the architecture echoed Chinese, there was also a strong South Pacific influence.

We checked into the White Swan Hotel, our temporary home for the next two weeks, and had a chance to get settled in and prepare for whatever could happen the next day. Our last night as a family of three was upon us. I hoped for things to go smoothly, knowing full well that with adoption hand overs anything was possible. We could have the heart-breaking screaming child like one of our travelmates in 2005 had or the catatonic state that another girl from our travel group had been in for days. In a way, if I'd had to choose I'd take the one who screamed because that was the child who was at least aware of their emotions and capable of feeling them. That was the child who felt safe enough to fully feel the depth of their loss. As hard as it would be on us, we would find a way to work through that trauma. I thought of the wise words the head social worker at WACAP had shared during our WACAP Weekend in 2004 - the depth of the child's grief also shows the depth of their capacity to bond and attach. I had held on to those words in 2005, and little did I know they would soon become my mantra.

July 30, 2007 - Baden's Gotcha Day!!!

After breakfast we headed off to the Guangdong Civil Affairs office, a building tucked away along a back alley that you could only find if you were looking for it. Li, our guide, took us up to the room where we would meet Baden. Savannah was excited that we were finally going to get her brother, expressing her joy and anticipation while Scott tried to get the cam-corder ready and I had the camera in hand. While all this was going on I watched a woman walk in holding the hand of a little boy who appeared to be Baden. Hopeful and thrilled, I told Scott that I thought that Baden had just walked through. Scott told me hadn't seen them and couldn't verify that I wasn't imagining things, but my heart knew better. I had just had my first glimpse of my son! I kept looking through the open doorway where our guide was, hoping to see this little boy again. Eventually Li joined us and moments later Baden was escorted out to us. The scene couldn't have been more different from our first hand-over. Gone was the chaos and sounds of 13 crying babies and in its place was a quiet and scared little boy. A very confused child. I told him "Ni hao Shi Bing" and tried to get close to him only to be quickly rejected. Scott tried as well and was ignored, but not as strongly as I was. Getting out all of the toys that were in the backpack for him, Savannah made an effort to engage him and after a moment was deemed cautiously trustworthy. It was as if he looked at her and thought "Well, she looks like the kids I've played with - okay." She was the one that bridged the divide and made all the difference for him. Though technically younger, she placed herself in the position of the teacher, the sister who would show him the ropes. Fortunately the woman from the Bao'an SWI was not in a hurry to leave, allowing us to take time to work through the transition. Savannah tried to teach Baden about his toys, observing her move the Thomas the Tank train cars around. She showed him the board books we brought, and he clung to the Curious George book. She introduced his Silly Buddies from Bunnies by the Bay and he was mildly interested in them. Slowly he came out of his shell and warmed up to Scott. Meanwhile, instead of snapping the pictures I had waited so long to take I was filling out paperwork, signing document after document after document. My family was getting acquainted and I was working through red tape. Arghh!

Still not allowed into Baden's inner circle I watched and listened. I heard the woman from the SWI refer to him has Bing Bing and quickly asked our guide to find out if they had called him a nickname. Indeed he was called Bing Bing. Thank goodness I knew that important bit of information. I wouldn't want to get to know someone who was calling me a name that I didn't recognize either. I watched Baden begin to smile and become more comfortable and once again my heart became hopeful.

Soon the time came when the woman from the SWI had to leave. We took pictures with her and when she began to explain to Baden that she had to go and that he would stay with his new MaMa and BaBa he started to cry - hard, devastating, scared out his mind sobs. I watched with tears in my eyes as she explained that he now had a family of his own. I heard him say "Bu!" (No!) and cry "Ni MaMa." (You Mama). I quickly asked Li if this woman had also been his foster mother. (I'd found out in March or April that Baden had gone to live with a foster family, and wondered if this woman from the SWI had also been his foster mom. Li replied that she wasn't.) Slowly Scott took him in his arms and we all left the room and headed for the van, the woman from the SWI also escorted us out. As we stood on the steps of the Civil Affairs office I looked at the woman who had brought him to us and seeing that she was also a bit misty-eyed, I said "Xie xie ni," and placed my hand on her arm, hoping that she would understand the magnitude of my words. My heart was breaking for the pain that this dear, sweet boy was going through and on the drive back to the hotel had to remind myself that he really would have a much better future with us than being left in the orphanage.

We laid low that evening back at the hotel. Room service was a hit - lots of food delivered to your room was new thing for our boy. I managed to get Baden out the clothes he'd been wearing and into clothes I'd brought for him. The shoes however were a different story. Though they were quite obviously too small for him, they were clearly not coming off. I loved watching Savannah teach Baden how to play, and saddened by the fact that he needed to be taught how to play. Something that our children at home do so easily and naturally was a completely foreign task for him. We showed him his rolling Diego back pack that my mom had picked up for him, and it was instantly transformed into his storage place for treasures. Anything of importance was placed in the backpack - the toys, books and stuffed animals. The package of Ritz that I'd bought in Hong Kong before we boarded the ferry were of security as well. He'd pack them up and minutes later open his bag again removing the crackers to study them in wonder. Gingerly he would put them back in there. This scene played out every day for the entire duration of the trip and by the time we arrived back in Bellingham they were a pulverized mess.

In the picture above, Savannah is showing him her Video Now player and introducing him to her beloved Dora and sharing her favorite snack... Annie's Bunny Crackers. Needless to say I was soon wishing we'd packed more - lol! What Cheerio's were to Savannah in the beginning, Bunny Crackers were to Baden.