Mother's Day

First thing this morning the kids were showing off their presents that they made at school. From working in the class I knew something was up with the hand prints that the teachers had me do of each child, but I thought it was something for the end of the year. It turns out that the hand prints were part of the art work that accompanied one of my favorite poems - simple words that remind me that my kids are growing every day and to savour every precious moment.

Savannah was excited about her present. Baden on the other hand was as protective of his as any security would be for the Crown Jewels. My mom picked the kids up from school on Friday and at one of the stops Baden became concerned that Grandma's car would be broken into and that someone would take his back pack. He carefully took out his present and covered it up with Savannah's blanket, telling Grandma that the bad guy could take his back pack, but they were not getting his Mother's Day present. In nearly three years I have not ever seen this side of him, and as lovely as the gift is, it was how much it meant to him that makes it even more special.

A sun from my son

Savannah's portrait of me wearing her favorite necklace and purple shirt of mine

People remark about how lucky my children are to be a part of our family, a comment that I turn around and respond with how we are the lucky ones. I am the mom who is showered with hugs and kisses, the sweet "You're the best Mom!", the bed time stories, the singing of "Happy Mother's Day" to the tune of "Happy Birthday." I am the one who gets to watch them grow up and discover who they are. Somewhere in China are two women who, for reasons unknown, don't get those tender moments from these two children. Mother's Day is becoming a popular holiday in China, with carnations being a growing symbol of the day - the carnation representing a mother's love and caring, according to a May 2001 article in the English version of People's Daily (http://english.peopledaily.com.cn/200105/14/eng20010514_69871.html)

It's on Mother's Day that my mind wanders to the two women who gave my children life. I wonder what their life is like and if they allow themselves to think about the children they weren't able to raise. Are they bitter about a choice that was made for them rather than one they consented to? Are they angry about the circumstances that lead to their choice? Do they accept it as "that's how things are?" I can imagine how I would feel, but that is a perspective looked at with a different cultural lens.

If I had a way of communicating with my children's birth-mothers there are a mountain of questions that I would like to ask them, many of them starting with "Why." By that same token there are so many things I would want to tell them about these two remarkable, strong and brave children.

I would want Savannah's birth-mom to know what a kind, gentle and engaging girl she is becoming. I would tell her about how she dotes on babies and loves to climb trees. I would tell her that she doesn't have just one life dream, but an entire list that now includes sky-diving and becoming a scientist who studies "rollie pollie's" (potato bugs), as well as a figure skating instructor and wedding dress designer. She quietly expresses herself through her paintings and drawings and has a vocabulary that makes her sound much older than her age. She has decided that her singing ability and love for art come from her maternal birth-grandmother. Savannah doesn't speak of bitterness towards her birth-parents for not being able to raise her, but more from a place of empathy. I am proud of her determination and humility. She is proud of the things she knows she does well, but doesn't boast about it.

I would want Baden's birth-mom to know that the boy who came to us terrified and feeling alone is now a boy who oozes happiness from his pores. Each day he becomes more self-assured and confident in his abilities. He's beginning to realize that mistakes actually get you closer to success and that we are not born knowing everything. He has a wonderful and infectious sense of humor, and just enough prankster to be amusing. Baden has a way of making people smile even though he's so busy talking through laughter that we can't understand him. He's discovering his talents and enjoying the adventure along the way. I admire his bravery and endurance. For someone to have gone through all that he has in his 6 years and smile in a way that makes his eyes dance and twinkle is remarkable. He loves big and isn't afraid to show it.

Mother's Day is an occasion that I celebrate for three mom's - the women who gave my children life and the one teaching them how to live it.