What About Me?

One of these days I swear that I’m going to count the number of times that I hear that question posed. On the other hand, when I stop and think of who is posing the question I find myself rethinking that… for so long he didn’t have someone letting him know “what about him” and being there to answer the question… “What about me?”

I have been the parent of virtual twins for two years, 6 months and one day. Until I just wrote that I hadn’t realized that we were already at that milestone. 2 ½ years already - wow!

I look at how my kids have grown together and how their relationship has evolved from leader/follower to more equal playmates/friends. I’m glad that in the beginning they were in the same pre-school classes for the first two years Baden was home. In retrospect I think having each other was good for both of them, not as much one sided with the advantage going to Baden as I first thought. This morning I asked the kids what they liked about being the same pre-school class and both said “playing together.” Baden added “I liked having mei-mei there.” It was really during their 4 year-old pre-school class that they started to become more competitive as Baden began to develop his confidence. If someone complimented Savannah on her artwork, Baden would balk “What about me?!” and pout.

In the beginning I wanted them to have their own stories, at least outside of school. Thankfully, for Scott, Savannah doing ballet didn’t lead to a “What about me?” moment for Baden. He loved the time we had together while she was in class, as much as he loved the glimpses of peeking at his sister through the curtain of the studio at the end of class when we waited to pick her up. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I enrolled him in gymnastics to help with his co-ordination and continue the physical development that started to take place swimming in the White Swan swimming pool. He was still learning how to do simple things like hop on one foot and run, so this proved very beneficial for him. I would tell him what a great job he’d done, as did the other mom’s I knew who had kids from pre-school in the class. He was so proud of himself! His teacher, the owner of Gym Star, would cheer him on “Way to go Bing Bing!” After nearly four years of not really being cheered and celebrated you could actually watch his heart soar with the praise. After watching from the sidelines Savannah wanted to give gymnastics a shot, which actually delighted Baden. Two sessions later Savannah was soon bored with the activity while Baden was still having a blast.

In the fall of 2008 Savannah wanted to hang up her ballet shoes and try something new – figure skating. At age 4 she took to the ice in a super beginner class called Snow Plow Sam. She loved it! Baden was happy to stand there with me and watch his sister… for a bit and as October became November he was no longer content with just doing gymnastics. He wanted something different, a new challenge. And so he began ice skating lessons too. In the beginning he declared he wanted to play hockey just like his Dad. There was something about sending my 33 lb bundle of energy out to play hockey that just didn’t sit right with me, so he began the Snow Plow series in January 2009. I loved watching him march across the ice, with each step growing more confident in his ability and then glancing over at his sister a few classes over and tackling his class with the determination he needed to catch up to her. All of this led to many a “What about me?” moments. If Savannah was off the ice first I’d tell her that she did a great job and as Baden came off the ice he would bitterly exclaim “What about me?!” If I congratulated him first I would hear “I did a great job too!” from Savannah. Sometimes a mom just can’t win.

They are both continuing to ice skate this school year and for once Baden took the lead on something, much to his younger sister’s chagrin. Last October the Bellingham Figure Skating Club began to organize their Winter Show, this year themed “Olympic Dreams” in large part because of the upcoming Winter Games in nearby Vancouver BC. When I approached the kids about doing the show they were both excited, and then fear got the better of Savannah – she was afraid people were going to laugh at her. It didn’t matter who talked to her… the skating director, her favorite instructor or other friends. She wasn’t budging. Baden on the other hand was ecstatic at the thought of performing in a show. Finally he would have his shot at a trophy, just like the ones Savannah had received after her ballet recitals! He got out there and practiced after his lesson coming off the ice each time asking if this was the day he would get his trophy.

Finally the big weekend was upon us and Baden could barely contain himself. His costume was ready and his trophy was so close he could nearly taste it. The night before the first performance was the dress rehearsal, and what I feared would happen did – Savannah, Baden and I walked into the dressing room and as Savannah glanced around the room at all the kids she became quiet. Suddenly she looked up at me with tears welling in her eyes, her lower lip quivering and in the smallest voice asked “Is it too late?” There wasn’t much I could do to ease her broken heart. I told her that it was, but if she really wanted to skate in a show there would be another chance in the spring. She nodded her head and continued to cry, head buried on the cold metal bleachers. Meanwhile I had a child to cheer on.

This year they’re thankfully in separate kindergarten classes and each of them was placed with the teacher that they were absolutely enamored with during the Kindergarten open house last May. I love that they are developing their own set of friends and only occasionally do I see them sitting near each other at lunch. I grew up with two girls that were referred to as “The Twins.” It certainly didn’t help that they were identical either. The other day at school the kids participated in the Olympic Games that were part of Olympic Days at Wade King Elementary. As I looked around the gym I thought about how lucky I am being able to watch both of my kids participate with their friends.

So, what are some other “What about me?/Me too!” moments?
The one thing that both kids have in common at school is their Sam Book Early Readers. Baden started reading first, which irritated Savannah. When Savannah’s teacher said she could start reading the books Savannah was thrilled, which bothered Baden. If one class had a chance to read with their teacher or parent volunteer and the other didn’t the tug-of-war would ensue. Back and forth went the “I got a new book and you didn’t!” It seemed as though I was constantly refereeing and reminding them that it wasn’t a competition… it was about learning at their own pace. Like that kind of logic mattered to them.

Last night was another good example. I went to bed and Baden ended up crawling into bed with me. About an hour later Savannah woke up and wanted to crawl into bed with me too. Much to her dismay Baden had me on the edge, with him in the middle leaving only Scott’s side of the bed free. The waterworks began with a vengeance. “But I wanted to cuddle with you Mommy.” I told her that she could curl up next to Baden, reminding her that most nights she is the one that ends up in bed with us and its Baden who stays in his own bed. The least she could do was to let Baden have a turn cuddled up to me. Nope. Not good enough. Enter Baden’s cat Boy who chose that moment to come seek some love and attention. Baden loves his cat, but still takes issue with them being close when it’s bed time. Baden decided at that moment that he’d rather be in his own bed and off he went. Problem solved? Nope. Savannah, thinking she’d won the battle climbed on in next to me. Baden reappeared a few hours later and crawled in next to Savannah after expressing his unhappiness that his spot had been taken, “What about me?” Kid – you’re killing me! I’m already prone to “mommy guilt,” and moments like that just tug at me heart.

Though parenting two children who are into most everything at about the same time, with slight varying interests at the moment, can be exasperating at times with the “Me too!” and “What about me?,” I really can’t imagine it any other way.