First my story on visiting Baden's finding spot in the Bao'an District of Shenzhen SEZ (Special Economic Zone):
"We did go to his finding spot, well the general location as we had just the crossroads location. It's a really busy intersection with stone quarries down the road on one side, and some other sort of factory on the other. People come up to your car selling newspapers and others set up their own tents to sell produce and other products on the side of the street. There is a busy bus stop with a China Post station on the side of the road we pulled off onto, as well as a small one person Police stand. The air in Shenzhen is much cleaner that Guangzhou because it is closer to the open seas despite being on the Pearl River proper. The sky was a nice blue today vs. the smog haze we have seen since leaving HK last Sunday. I took a ton of pictures all around the area from inside the car and once we were stopped took some more strategic shots of the most possible actual finding location... the China Post station. There is a thick layer of grasses under all the trees that shade that corner. My guess from the time of day that he was found, it was early morning when people were going to work that he was left. Our first tour guide in HK said that it can get down to 5 C during the HK winters. I stood there imagining a small bundle laying in the grasses, wrapped in a blanket and my heart hurt for everyone involved. I cannot imagine having to make the decision his birth parents did, though I am sure that they must have tried all that they could to take care of him given that he was nearly 3 months old when he was found. I cannot imagine how it would have hurt to listen to his cries as someone watched from a distance to make sure he was found. It hurts me now just thinking about that for him, for them and for me. This little boy who for the first time asked to sit with me twice on the way to Shenzhen, who is starting to trust me as much as his Baba. The definition of abandon is "to be found" and I have no doubt that given his age and the location he was placed, he was truly meant to be found. We are the lucky ones to have been found to share his life with."
A true contrast - below is the "high rent" area of the Shenzhen Bao'an District area. If I were to live in the Bao'an area, I'd want to be here.... nice, wide boulevard that's beautifully landscaped and yes, a Starbucks..jpg)
I am sharing this part of our story for anyone who is waiting to travel so that if this happens to you, you'll know that you're not alone. We got through this and as you'll continue to see, our son is a happy and bubbly boy.
"Okay, you want stories.... here goes...
Last night we went to Cow and Bridge for dinner. (First tip: go at the start of dinner time, closer to 5 vs any time after 6:30). The place was packed, and when we were finally seated at a table. Savannah continued her search for Fa Mulan while observing all of the women around her. (The search has been going on for several days now.) BB was sitting across from me and next to Scott, PJ was on my right and across from Scott. (not that it really matters, but some people need that sort of detail) BB wasn't happy to be sitting in a restaurant, in spite of having a terrific apple juice decorated with an orchid bloom in front of him, so Scott took him outside for a few minutes. (They) Came back, food arrived and Scott tried to help BB eat. No luck, fit ensues with the couple sitting next to us shooting daggers at Scott for having a child in the joint who would actually have the audacity to express unhappiness. So, Scott gave me money to pay for dinner and took BB back to the hotel, so that PJ and I could finish eating. Thank goodness we stayed because she finally got to meet her "Fa Mulan," the hostess working that evening who bent down and started talking to her in Chinese. Savannah turned to me as if to say "Mom, what is she saying????" The woman smiled at me and asked if she spoke Chinese or English. I told her English but that she was born in China. The woman nodded and smiled and went on about her job. As we were leaving the woman helped me set up PJ's stroller outside, and PJ asked if she was Mulan. The woman smiled and laughed, saying what her actual name is. It didn't matter to PJ, she WAS Mulan in modern China and couldn't reveal herself.
We got back to the room and BB had just finished watching part of a soccer game (Sydney will have someone who will want to see each and every game). Scott said he was down on the floor, pretending to kick the ball just like the players were doing. As soon as they got out of the restaurant he was a quiet happy kid, my guess is way too much sensory stimulation was going on and he didn't know how to process it. Right now Lucy's is more his speed.
I started getting the kids ready for bed, pj's on PJ and lubing up the dry, scaly boy (who is starting to be less and less scaly dry). Lotion is normally something that this little guy loves (oh, we need Aquafor too!) and actually flopped onto his stomach so that I could lotion up his back. Well, he decided he was done before he actually was and started to throw a fit. He was kicking, flailing his arms and going through the whole bit that the Toddler Adoption book described... anger crying. He was trying to hit me, swinging and kicking whenever he got a chance. I just held him repeating over and over that I loved him in both Mandarin and English. It was heartbreaking to see this look of complete wild terror in his eyes, but all of the attachment books say that they have to go through this step of grief in order to get to the other side as they're testing to see at which point you will leave them. Scott and I have both gone through episodes with him where BB tries to give us his very worst: biting, kicking, crying, flailing, hitting - you name it, and all we can do is hang on to him, keep him from becoming a danger to himself. Scott got out the Toddler Adoption book earlier when they'd gotten back to the room to read up himself on attachment and the author described kids with veins popping out. Thank goodness we didn't get to that point, but it was nonetheless obvious that BB wasn't in his mind and not in control. This went on for a good 45 minutes or so, and then his sobbing slowed, he rested his head on my shoulder, his tired limp body in my arms, with me bouncing him around, walking him like a baby. We were through it. (Praise be to God, Allah, Yahweh, Buddha and whichever other diety helped us out!!)
While all of this was going on, Scott was helping PJ cope with what she was witnessing. Her very nature is to nurture and the mere fact that there was nothing she could do to help her brother out was sooo hard on her. Scott told her to not be afraid, that BB had to go through what he was in order to learn that we wouldn't leave him, just as she had tested us when she was a baby.
When things had calmed down, BB laid down on the "boys" bed, all of his animals and both blankets around him. Scott, PJ and I were right there each taking turns saying that we loved him... "Mama ai ni, Baba ai ni, Mei-mei ai ni" and each time one of us would say it, he would quietly repeat it. He cried a couple times during the night, I'm sure his brain was still processing everything, but no where near the night terrors that PJ has had over the past two years. All was now quiet in room 1432."
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